英语短句幽默篇一：英语幽默句子
幽默的英语句子
1) Money is not everything. There?s Mastercard & Visa.
钞票不是万能的，有时还需要信用卡。
2) One should love animals. They are so tasty.
每个人都应该热爱动物，因为它们很好吃。 3)Save water. Shower with your girlfriend. 要节约用水，尽量和女友一起洗澡。
4)Love the neighbor. But don?t get caught.
要用心去爱你的邻居，不过不要让她的老公知道。
5)Behind every successful man, there is a woman. And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two. 每个成功男人的背后，都有一个女人。每个不成功男人的背后，都有两个女人。 6)Every man should marry. After all, happiness is not the only thing in life.
再快乐的单身汉迟早也会结婚，幸福不是永久的嘛。
7)The wise never marry, And when they marry they become otherwise.
聪明人都是未婚的，结婚的人很难再聪明起来。
8)Success is a relative term. It brings so many relatives.
成功是一个相关名词，他会给你带来很多不相关的亲戚（联系）。
9)Never put off the work till tomorrow what you can put off today.
不要等明天交不上差再找借口，今天就要找好。
10)Love is photogenic. It needs darkness to develop.
爱情就象照片，需要大量的暗房时间来培养。（老外也保守，要摸黑办事，哈哈）
11)Children in backseats cause accidents. Accidents in backseats cause children. 后排座位上的小孩会生出意外，后排座位上的意外会生出小孩。
12)"Your future depends on your dreams." So go to sleep. "
现在的梦想决定着你的将来"，所以还是再睡一会吧。
13)There should be a better way to start a day than waking up every morning.
应该有更好的方式开始新一天，而不是千篇一律的在每个上午都醒来。
14)"Hard work never killed anybody." But why take the risk? "
"努力工作不会导致死亡！"不过我不会用自己去证明。
15)"Work fascinates me." I can look at it for hours! "
"工作好有意思耶！"尤其是看着别人工作。
16)God made relatives; Thank God we can choose our friends.
神决定了谁是你的亲戚，幸运的是在选择朋友方面他给了你留了余地。
17)When two?s company, three?s the result! 两个人的状态是不稳定的，三个人才是！
18)A dress is like a barbed fence. It protects the premises without restricting the view. 服饰就象铁丝网，它阻止你冒然行动但并不妨碍你尽情的观看。
19)The more you learn, the more you know, The more you know, the more you forget. The more you forget, the less you know. So why bother to learn.
学的越多，知道的越多，知道的越多，忘记的越多，忘记的越多，知道的越少，为什么学来着？
1.国外有个节目采访lord of ring（指环王）里面那个小哈比人时，他讲了个冷笑话：Q: a deer, has no eyes, what's its name？（一只鹿，没有眼睛，应该叫什么？）
A: I don?t know ,what is it？（我不知道，该叫什么？）
Q: no eye deer……(no idea)（没眼睛鹿……没主意（英语口语的谐音））
agian, a deer has no eyes, no legs, what's its name？（那么，一只鹿，没眼睛，也没有腿，该叫什么？）
A: I don?t know, what's it then？（我还是不知道，应该叫什么？）
Q: still no idea……”（还是没眼睛鹿（用了谐音））
2.某次英文考试有两道题目：
1）我穿上外套，却发现第一个扣子掉了。
2）他听见电话铃响，就过去接了电话。
正确答案应为：
1）I put on my coat and found its first button was gone.
2）As soon as he heard the phone ringing, he went to pick it up.
但是某生的答案是：
1）Shit!
2）Hello?
3老师在黑板上写了一句：Time is money，并让同学们翻译。
有名学生答道：“汤姆是玛丽。”
4小明上英文课时跟老师说：May I go to the toilet?
老师说：Go ahead.
小明就坐了下来。过了一会儿，小明又跟老师说：May I go to the toilet?
老师说：Go ahead.
小明又坐了下来。他旁边的同学于是忍不住问：你不是跟老师说要上厕所吗？怎么不去？小明说：你没听老师说「去你个头」啊！
5某日刘洪涛遇到外宾，上前搭话曰：I am hongtao liu．
外宾曰：我他妈还是方片七呢！
6江青会见外宾，要求翻译要严格按她的意思翻，不许走样。
外宾一见到江青，立刻拍马屁道："Miss Jiang, you are very beautiful."
翻译照翻，江青心花怒放，嘴上还要谦虚一下：“哪里，哪里”。
翻译不敢怠慢，把江青的话翻成英文："Where? Where?"
外宾一愣，还有这样的人，追问哪里漂亮的，干脆马屁拍到底："Everywhere, everywhere."翻译：“你到处都很漂亮。”
江青更高兴了，但总是要客气一下：“不见得，不见得”。
翻译赶紧翻成英文："You are not allowed to see, you are not allowed to see."
7一对热恋中的男女。女生非常没有安全感，于是对着男友说：“SAY ?I LOVE YOU!!?SAY IT! SAY IT! SAY IT!”
男的答道：“IT!”
8某人刻苦学习英语，终有小成。一日上街不慎与一老外相撞，
忙说：I am sorry.
老外应道：I am sorry too.
某人听后又道：I am sorry three.
老外不解，问：What are you sorry for?
某人无奈，道：I am sorry five.
9某男，亦粗通英文，至使馆，有表要填，有一栏是：Sex，该男思之久已，毅然下笔：“Once a week”。
签证官观后暴笑，曰：“This item should be filled in with male or female.”
该男顿时赧颜，思之，填下“female”，官楞之，曰：“shouldn?t it be male?”
男急释曰：“I am a normal man, so I have sex with female.
和“Kiss”有关的词汇
kiss-ass n.马屁精,谄媚者, 奉承
kiss good-bye 吻别, 放弃,失去
kiss of death n.死神之吻，乍看有益但会导致毁灭的行为
kiss of life n.生命之吻
kiss of live n.口对口人工呼吸
kiss of peace [宗] 接吻礼,团结友爱的接吻
kiss the rod v.甘心受罚
kiss the post v.吃闭门羹；为时过晚
blow a kiss 飞吻
vacuum kiss 真空吻（*ing the air out of one?s partner?s mouth and lungs）
French kiss 法式接吻（kiss with your mouth open and your tongues touching）Platonic kiss 柏拉图之吻（short kiss on the check for greeting）
Smooch v/n 热吻
Peckn 匆匆轻吻
经典英语绕口令
1. Canners can can what they can can but can not can things can't be canned.
2. Bill's big brother is building a beautiful building between two big brick blocks.
3.Please, Paul, pause for applause.
4.“Shall I show you the shop for shoes and shirts?” Shirley said to shelly.
5.Do you agree, if you are free to come to tea with me by the sea?
6.Paul called from the hall that he had slipped on the floor and couldn't get to the door.
7.I'd buy my ties before the price begins to rise.
8.A snow-white swan swam swiftly to catch a slowly swimming snake in a lake.
9.It is a fine thing to sing in Spring, I think.
10.Famine and failure faced the frightened farmer.
11.I am amazed it is a craze these days to dance to music of Jazz.
12.In winter the weather in Wales is wild
13.I know. You know. I know that you know. I know that you know that I know.
14.Mike likes to write by the nice bright light at night.
15.Peter piper picked a peck of pickled peppers.
英语谚语500句 （A:51--100）
51)A man becomes learned by asking questions.
不耻下问才能有学问。
52)A man can do no more than he can.
凡事都应量力而行。
53)A man cannot spin and reel at the same time.
一心不能二用。
54)A man is known by his friends.
什么人交什么朋友。
55)A man of words and not of deeds is like a garden full of weeds. 光说空话不做事，犹如花园光长刺。
56)A man without money is no man at all.
一分钱难倒英雄汉。
57)A merry heart goes all the way.
心旷神怡，事事顺利。
58) A miss is as good as a mile.
失之毫厘，差之千里。
59)A mother's love never changes.
母爱永恒。
60)An apple a day keeps the doctor away.
一天一苹果，不用请医生。
61) A new broom sweeps clean.
新官上任三把火。
62) An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.
以眼还眼，以牙还牙。
63) An hour in the morning is worth two in the evening.一日之计在于晨。
64) An old dog cannot learn new tricks.
老狗学不出新把戏。
65) An ounce of luck is better than a pound of wisdom. 聪明才智，不如运气。
66) An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.
预防为主，治疗为辅。
67) A rolling stone gathers no moss.
滚石不生苔，转业不聚财。
68) As a man sows, so he shall reap.
种瓜得瓜，种豆得豆。
69) A single flower does not make a spring.
一花独放不是春，百花齐放春满园。
70)A snow year, a rich year.
瑞雪兆丰年。
71) A sound mind in a sound body.
健全的精神寓于健康的身体。
72) A still tongue makes a wise head.
寡言者智。
73) A stitch in time saves nine.
小洞不补，大洞吃苦。
74) A straight foot is not afraid of a crooked shoe.
身正不怕影子斜。
75) A wise head makes a close mouth.
真人不露相，露相非真人。
76) A word spoken is past recalling.
一言既出，驷马难追。
77) A year's plan starts with spring.
一年之计在于春。
78) A young idler, an old beggar.
少壮不努力，老大徒伤悲。
79) Bad news has wings.
好事不出门，坏事传千里。
80) Barking dogs seldom bite.
吠犬不咬人.
81) Beauty lies in the love's eyes.
情人眼里出西施。
82) Be swift to hear, slow to speak.
听宜敏捷，言宜缓行。
83) Better late than never.
不怕慢，单怕站。
84) Better to ask the way than go astray.
问路总比迷路好。
85) Between friends all is common.
朋友之间不分彼此。
86) Birds of a feather flock together.
物以类聚，人以群分。
87) Blood is thicker than water.
血浓于水。
88) Blood will have blood.
血债血偿。
89) Books and friends should be few but good.
读书如交友，应求少而精。
90) Business is business.
公事公办。
91) Business is the salt of life.
事业是人生的第一需要。
92) By reading we eich the mind, by conversation we polish it.读书使人充实，交谈使人精明。
93) Cannot see the wood for the trees.
英语短句幽默篇二：英语口语 超级搞笑的中英对译句子
英语口语 超级搞笑的中英对译句子 英语口语 超级搞笑的中英对译句子
1.Money is not the problem, the problem is money!
钱不是问题，问题是没钱!
2. Burn incense and may not necessarily be a monk, but also may be the panda ... 烧香的不一定是和尚，还可能是熊猫...
3. Drunk who has not satisfied me, I will help the wall!
喝醉了我谁也不服,我就扶墙!
4. I lie like a fly in the glass, the future is bright, but can not find a way out. 我就像一只趴在玻璃上的苍蝇，前途一片光明，但又找不到出路.
5. Who says I am white, thin, beautiful ~ I like his good friend ~
谁说我白，瘦，漂亮~我就跟他做好朋友~
6. "What is the optimists who?" "The teapot is like ............... like red buttocks were burned and he still has feelings whistle!"
"什么叫乐观派的人?""这个...............就像茶壶一样，屁股都烧得红红的，他还有心情吹口哨!"
7. Contraceptive effect: not successful, then the adult?
避孕的效果：不成功，便成人?
8.the past, took off his underwear to see buttocks; Now, unplug buttocks to see underwear ...
关于丁字裤：以前，脱下内裤看屁股;现在，拔开屁股看内裤……
英语短句幽默篇三：10大搞笑英语句子变身幽默达人
10大搞笑英语句子变身幽默达人
很多人担心自己的英语说的生硬、没有生气，其实英语中有许多雷人的“冷笑话”，只要多多积累一些“雷人”英语，还怕你的英语无趣吗?掌握下面这十大搞笑英语句子，你就可以瞬间变为身幽默达人!
01. 人生的最大遗憾莫过于错误地坚持了不该坚持的，轻易地放弃了不该放弃的……
The most regret ion of live is insist on something that shouldn’t be insisted on, give up something that shouldn’t be given up
02. 大师兄，你知道吗?二师兄的肉现在比师傅的都贵了。
Tang Monk/Tang Priest, don’t you know piggy is more valuable than you? (The Pilgrimage to the West)
03. 怀才就像怀孕，时间长了才能看出来。
Having knowledge likes having pregnant, it takes times to be awareness.
04. 还能冲动，表示你还对生活有激情，总是冲动，表示你还不懂生活。If you acts on impulse, you have passions in life, if you always acts on impulse, you don’t know what life is.
05. 我问一个在深圳工作了二十年的朋友：“如果你死后，你的墓志铭打算写点啥?”他说：“我解决了住房问题!”
I asked a question to a friend who has been working in Shenzhen for 20 years, what would be the proudest things in your life if you died?
He said: I have already pay back the mortgage loan of my
department.
06. 妈妈说人最好不要错过两样东西，最后一班回家的车和一个深爱你的人。Mom said you’d better not miss two things , the last bus to home and the person who loves you deeply.
07. 一天看到一位大妈在烧纸，边烧边嘟囔着：收到了全都买基金吧~~One day I saw a old woman was burning paper money and
mumbled : buy funds if you get it.
08. 好的爱情是你透过一个男人看到世界，坏的爱情是你为了一个人舍弃世界……
A good love is you find the world for a man; a bad love is you abandon the world for a man.
09. 诸葛亮出山前，也没带过兵!凭啥我就要工作经验?
Before Liang Zhuge coming out, he didnt have experience in leading the army! why i should have experience when look for a job?
10. 如果你看到面前的阴影，别怕，那是因为你的背后有阳光……
If you saw the dark in front of you, dont be afriad, that's because sunshine is at yo(来自:WwW.ZHaOqt.nEt 蒲公英文 摘:英语短句幽默)ur back.