学校啊，当我把我的孩子交给你，你保证给他怎样的教育？今天清晨，我交给你一个欢欣诚实又颖悟的小男孩儿，多年以后，你将还我一个怎样的青年？ ――引自《我交给你一个孩子》
今年４月，山东沂水一位中学生挥刀砍向他的亲人：他年迈的奶奶、卧病在床的父亲均伤在他的刀下。他不堪学习重压，仅仅因琐事发生的一点争吵，就令他烦躁不已，以至丧失理性，暴露出狰狞的一面。
事发不久，北京再上演悲剧。一位母亲惨死于还在读中学的儿子手下。
这些年，类似的事件时有所闻。这些孩子到底怎么了？每一次追问，人们都会找出许许多多的答案。令人欣喜的是，有一种答案正在得到越来越多的认同：我们对孩子的心理问题关注得太少了。
人们习惯上只把健康理解为一个生理概念，以为身体没病即是健康，其实，现代的人们对生命质量有着更高要求，不但没有身体的缺陷和疾病，还要生理健康、心理健康和社会适应良好，即所谓身心俱健。正如“人”字的一撇一捺，一笔之缺，即会偏离生命航线，甚至触礁、毁灭。
他们为何不愉快
在成年人眼里，现在的孩子无疑是幸福的，但孩子自己的评价却大相径庭，有相当比重的孩子并没有幸福感。在一个有44名小学生的班里，有17位同学说自己的心情不愉快，20位同学说有时愉快、有时不愉快。
心理健康的主要标准之一，是具有稳定而愉快的情绪，如此多的学生感到不愉快，应当引起足够的警觉。
一位８岁的小姑娘最羡慕她奶奶的退休生活，因为不用写作业；济南市一位小学三年级学生为家庭作业所累，气呼呼地告诉他的父亲：死了多好，就没有作业了！
厌学、自卑、考试焦虑……中小学生的许多心理问题因学习压力过重而起。据山东省未成年犯管教所的调查，绝大多数未成年人的犯罪道路是从讨厌学习开始的。
山东省精神卫生中心主任医师、中国心理卫生协会儿童心理卫生专业委员会委员翟静率领的课题组对济南市两所重点中学初中一年级28个班的1667名学生进行了调查，结果表明:59.3％的学生存有厌学情绪。以前，不愿上学的孩子主要是小学生和初中生，有的是因为胆子小，有的是因为对挫折的承受能力比较弱，学习有困难。但现在学生的厌学情绪就很普遍了，不光小学生、初中生高中生厌学，连大学生也厌学；不光学习不好的孩子不愿意学习，有些考试第一名的孩子也出现厌学情绪。翟静说，社会竞争加剧，学习压力过重，使一部分学生丧失了学习的乐趣，失去了内在的学习动力。
上海一所英国国际学校的经理将中国的高考比作学生的梦魇、家长的噩梦。她说，高考的巨大压力，使中国的儿童没有童年。家长望子成龙、望女成凤，有的从孩子上幼儿园就开始加压。一些学校唯考分至上、升学率至上，不顾及学生的学习心理，作业沉重，考试不断。双层挤压之下，学习成了孩子的苦役。有位中学老师用一句“七上八下”的俗语明确地告诉他的学生：每天睡七个小时的同学才能考上大学，睡八个小时的考不上。为了考大学，一些学生甚至用浓茶、咖啡强打精神，挑灯夜战。
德州民营企业家黄鸣一次谈判之余，与德国的合作伙伴谈起教育问题。他对德国朋友说：“我的女儿早上６点起床，７点准时出门。重要的是，你知道她什么时候回来吗？”德国朋友狠了狠心，猜了个3点半。这显然不会是正确答案。他继续以半个小时的幅度猜下去，加到晚上８点时，他再也不敢往下猜了，那口气似乎孩子遭到了绑架。黄鸣告诉他：“我的孩子最早晚上１０点半回来，而且回到家还要写作业。”吓得德国朋友连连摇头。他说：“学习本是人生需要，但过重的学习压力和不考虑学生兴趣、特长的教学方法，摧毁了人们的内在学习动力，也失去了学习的乐趣，它使人们放弃了追求真理、探究世界的精神，于个人、于民族都是悲剧。”
心理学家研究发现，相当一部分学生的不良情绪是由学习压力过大造成的，有的甚至因此导致较严重的心理疾病。济南市有一位１０岁的小学生，很聪明，也很好学，父母对其管教非常严厉。因为一次考试考得不够理想，遭到老师和家长的批评。孩子从此开始厌学，一听说要上学，就哭闹、呕吐、腹痛，怕见同学，经常把自己关在家里。
自信，在斥责声中消失
有位很优秀的留美学者，说起他的美国同事非常感慨：即使他们做得不怎么样，他们也会说自己是最棒的。
如果说幽默是良好性情的内核的话，那么自信就是健全人格的核心了。一个人如果缺乏自信，非但在学习和工作上难以取得成功，在生活中也很难有幸福感。但我们的教育恰恰忽视了培养学生的自信心。
孩子在幼儿园时，总会得到许多表扬，一旦进入小学，成人们就像换了一副眼镜，他们总是希望孩子们能有完美的表现，稍有差距，即会斥责。一些孩子从此开始了灰头土脸的生活，他们的自信心因此被一点点蚕食。
在传统教育理念中，惩罚一直占有重要地位。虽然一些学生所犯的错误只是一些鸡毛蒜皮的小事，但一些老师却不善于从积极的方面引导，往往简单化地一味斥责。一些教师恨铁不成钢，出于督促学生学习、纠正其不良习惯的本意，用惩罚的手段对待他们的错误，殊不知，这种简单的教育方式可能会对学生心理造成严重伤害。
北京师范大学心理学院教授郑日昌认为，成人对孩子期望过高，保护过度，管制过严，特别是负性评价过多，会影响孩子的自我评价，挫伤其自尊心和自信心，使孩子或者胆小退缩、经不起挫折，或者凶狠残暴，对他人和社会充满敌意，表现出极大的攻击性和破坏性。儿童心理最突出的问题，是由学习困难和自身性格等因素所引起的。学习上有困难的学生经常被教师和家长指责，视为无能儿、低能儿。来自外界的种种批评、不信任、猜测，强烈地伤害着儿童的自尊心，久而久之，形成怯懦、胆小的性格。山东师范大学附属小学教师赵琨说：“自卑还是自信，直接影响着对人生的态度，制约着个体的自我发展。家长和教师要善于发现儿童的优点，及时表扬，长期坚持下去，逐步开启儿童的自信。”
有爱，生命才会美丽
近年来，校园悲剧时有发生。有些挫折和打击，在成人看来可能算不上什么，但却往往引起一些学生心理的巨大波动。别人看似漫不经心的一句话，就会在一些学生心中埋下仇恨的种子，令人难以置信地形成人际关系的紧张。
虽然，类似事件只是发生在个别有严重心理障碍或心理疾病的学生身上，但心理问题却是每一位学生随时都可能遇到的。在学习、生活、人际交往和自我意识等方面，他们可能会遇到或产生这样那样的心理问题，如果不能及时解决，将会对他们的健康成长产生不良影响，严重的会出现行为障碍或人格缺陷。据山东省精神卫生中心主任医师翟静的研究，目前，厌学、人际关系紧张、情绪不稳定、社会适应能力差等心理问题比较普遍地影响着学生的身体和心理健康。
著名心理学家、北京师范大学教授林崇德提出，教育的目标是培养全面发展的人，全面发展包括身、心两个方面都得到健康发展。他认为，健康不仅是传统意义上身体健康，还包含良好的精神状态、健全的适应社会的能力。北京师范大学心理学院教授郑日昌将人的素质二分为身体素质和心理素质，相应地将教育二分为体育和心育。
中小学生越来越多的心理问题，引起了全社会的关注。上世纪80年代，心理健康教育在一些省市陆续开展起来。如今，全国许多中小学校都设立了心理咨询室，有的还配备了专职的心理辅导教师，对学生心理素质的提高发挥了一定作用。但在应试教育的条件下，面对升学的巨大压力，在一些人眼里，心理健康教育还只是一项可有可无的工作。有的人不承认一些学生存在心理健康问题，或者把心理健康问题简单地看作思想品德问题、缺乏法制观念等，试图用老一套办法解决新时期的新问题。有的学校把复杂问题简单化，在硬件设施上做文章，搞形式主义的花架子。有的人把心理健康教育知识化，热衷于编课本、讲概念、考条条，甚至企图通过教学解决学生的心理问题。
老师一句鼓励的话甚至一个微笑，可能会使一个“落后学生”走出自卑的阴影，树立起自信心，从而改变一生；老师的一次嘲讽，可能伤及一个好学生的自尊心，使其产生对他人、对社会的敌对情绪。郑日昌教授认为，心理健康教育是学校、家庭、社区及媒体的共同任务，作为学校来说，心理健康教育要面向所有学生，教职员工全员参与，将其渗透在学校的各科教学和日常管理之中。他说：“接纳学生，尊重学生，以学生为本，是心育成功的关键。”
School, when I entrust my child to you, what kind of education can you promise to give him? This morning, I gave you a happy, honest, and smart boy. Many years later, what a kind of young man will you return to me?
In April this year, a secondary school student of Yishui in Shandong Province went crazy and cut his family members with a knife. His old grandmother and his father lying in bed for sickness were both wounded by his knife. The reason why he went crazy is that he could not put up with the heavy pressure of studies. Therefore, just because of some trivial affair, he quarreled with his family members, which made him so stressed out that he lost his reason and committed the crime.
People are used to regarding health as a physiological concept, always thinking that health only means having a body free of sickness. In fact, modern human beings have higher requirements when it comes to the quality of life. Thus, “good health” means not only physiological health (a body free of defects and sickness), but also psychological health (of the mind and emotions) and the ability to adapt to society and live harmoniously with others.
In the eyes of some adults, children of the present-day are happy. However, appraisals received from the children themselves are very different. Many children do not feel happy at all. In one primary school class with 44 students, 17 children reported that they rarely have happy feelings; and 20 children said they are sometimes happy and sometimes not.
Recently, a research group headed by Zhai Jing, a chief physician at Shandong Mental Sanitation Center and a member of the Children Psychological Sanitation Committee of the China Psychological Association, has made an investigation among 1667 students from 28 classes of junior grade one at two key secondary schools in Jinan. The results reveal that 59.3% of the students are school-weary. Zhai Jing says that the aggravated social competition and overwhelming study pressure have made part of the students lose their interest in study and inner motivation to study.
Research by psychologists reveals that some part of the bad mood of the students is caused by overly heavy study pressure, which in some cases can even cause serious psychological illness. There is one case in Jinan of a normal ten-year old primary school student, who used to be very clever and fond of learning. His parents were very strict with him and had high expectations for him. On one occasion, however, because he failed to do as well as expected on one particular examination, he was severely criticized by his teacher and parents. As a result, the boy became school-weary. Now, upon hearing that it’s time to go to school, he will cry, vomit, have diarrhoea, and is afraid to see his classmates. What he often does is to close himself up at home.
An outstanding scholar returning from the United States often sighs with emotion when talking about his overseas colleagues. In the United States, even if their achievements are very ordinary, they always assert that they themselves are the best.
If humor is the core of a good mood, then self-confidence is the core of a healthy personality. If a person lacks self-confidence, he will neither be successful in studies, nor in life, because he will not feel happy in daily living. The Chinese system of education happens to neglect to cultivate self-confidence in our students.
In the kindergarten, children always obtain a lot of praise and encouragement. However, once they are admitted to primary school, adults, as if putting on a different pair of colored glasses, suddenly expect children to behave perfectly all the time. Once they make even a minor mistake, the children are chided, sometimes harshly. As a result, the self-confidence of the children will be eroded little by little.
In the traditional idea of education, punishment has always taken up an important position. Though the mistakes made by some students are minor, some teachers often attempt to educate them by the simple means of confrontation and criticism, rather than correction Ñ directing them towards the positive aspects and showing them the proper way to arrive at the right conclusion. This kind of educational method may bring about serious damage to the psyche of the students, for they may come to see themselves as incapable of learning.
Zheng Richang, a professor at the Psychology School of Beijing Teachers’ University, thinks that adults usually have expectations that run too high for most children, while also exerting contradictory pressures on the children by being both overly protective and overly strict in their controls. Sometimes, overwhelming negative appraisals from the adults will also exercise negative influences on the self-appraisals of the children and hurt their self-esteem and self-confidence, making the children timid and less inclined to risk the failures that normally result from creativity.
In addition, the children sometimes become fierce and malicious or hostile towards others in their families, in their classrooms and in society, exhibiting an aggressive and destructive character. The most prominent psychological problems of children are caused by their difficulties in studies and their own character. Students that have difficulties in study are often chided by their teachers and parents, and sometimes are even regarded as inept and retarded children. Such outside criticisms may lead to a lack of confidence, hurt the self-esteem of the children, and gradually will make their character become cowardly and timid.
Zhao Kun, a teacher at the Primary School affiliated with Shandong Teachers’ University, says: “For a child to be self-abased or self-confident, directly exerts a tremendous influence on his attitude towards life and either restrains or enhances his self-development as an individual person. Parents and teachers should be good at discovering children’s merits and praise them accordingly. Praise appropriately and consistently given will gradually lead to increased self-confidence in children.”
In recent years, adversities have frequently happened in schools. In the eyes of adults, some defeats and attacks may mean almost nothing; however, the perception by the pupils themselves might be quite different, for the treatment they receive from parents and teachers always has a heavy impact on the psychology of the students. A word that means nothing to adults sometimes will sow hostile seeds in the heart of students, and these seeds will grow until they finally bring about strained personnel relationships.